Fake News reported by Martha Throebeck, Staff Reporter, on April 1, 2000|
from the pursuit-of-happiness dept.
PERRYVILLE, MO -- It might be illegal, but that isn't stopping
Doug Bruewski from auctioning off his vote for the November
general election. Doug has placed his vote up for sale
on eBay, the online auction site, with a minimum bid of $100
and no reserve. Even though the auction only started
two days ago, Doug has already received 10 bids up to $152.
"I got the idea last week when a friend asked me who
I planned to vote for," Doug explained. "I said that I hated
both Bush and Gore and that I probably wouldn't vote. And
then the idea hit me: If I wasn't going to use my right to vote,
I could sell it to someone else and make enough money to pay off
my bar tab. Heck, if lobbyists and interest groups can buy
votes from Congressmen with campaign contributions, then
why can't I sell my vote in exchange for beer contributions?"
If the auction is successful, Brueski hopes to sell other Constitutional
rights. "I don't really need freedom of press. I wonder if anyone would
want that. I'm agnostic, so I don't need that freedom of religion. My son
doesn't like school, so maybe I could sell his right to a free public
educashon. Oh, and I'd like to ditch my right to a trial by jury... I'm not
a criminal, after all, and I never intend to be. The only right I can't part
with is freedom of assembly because I, uh, like to go to bars."
Brueski might want to hold on to those rights because
both the Federal and Missouri governments have launched
an investigation of the auction. "This might not be as
bad as that Senator who put himself up for sale on eBay
last year, but it's still illegal," a Federal Election
Commission bureaucrat said.
The political observers we talked to weren't sure about
the legality of the auction, but they did seem to agree
that Brueski's asking price was too high.
One commented, "In previous Missouri elections, the average vote
has only been worth maybe ten bucks. $152 seems like a rip-off